my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
