Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize