someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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