i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
