he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
