I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
