I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
