Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
