the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
