dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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