My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
