My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
