Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
