i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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