i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
