so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You made out with two different species that night
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
