It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
