you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
