there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
my liver is dry heaving
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
