just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
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He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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