I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
