My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
