you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i came on her dog
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
