Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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