drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
