I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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