it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
