I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
