i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My bed smells like the plague
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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