remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
