You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
