Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just invented taco cereal.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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