Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
