My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I looked at my own cervix.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I believe in your delicious
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
