Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
