her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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