Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize