I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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