i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
