just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
