so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
