He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
