i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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