I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
