i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
