Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
