I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
