would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
