His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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