I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Please don't give away my fajitas
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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