somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Your dad touched me again.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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