Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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