Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
pray to the hookup gods
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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