Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
