I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
