She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
