bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
