Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
