Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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