"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
