it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
