I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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