I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
