Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
