Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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