I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
