i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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