whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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