In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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